“I kept falling in love, sometimes better other times worse
But ‘it’ was never on my mind and that seemed to be my curse”
Sriti goes on to elaborate a situation where she falls in love with the idea of being intimate with a person, rather being the best kisser among all! The moment of euphoria touched her when she embraced people with hugs and kisses and not when she had sex for the sake of having it. She narrates her experience of falling in love with others who preferred to run their fingers through her tresses and not by entangling their bodies naked. Eventually, to avoid being distanced from society and peers, she resorted to doing it without feeling herself. Her discontent soared through past lovers at a time when sex was its peak; when consensual sex became an absolute necessity and when people embraced sex fully. Intimacy is pure, until the point when sex begins to bear its supremacy.
“When I went beyond the point, I was left alone. So I learned to lie in words and in moans”
As she describes, “there’s an ineffable reason I know I don’t want sex for sure’ hits home hard. There’s a feeling that engulfs you, to be rightly said; a feeling in the back of your mind tells you that sex is just not right for you because you simply don’t feel anything. People might deem you to not be normal, or a person who fits in society, but you know for a fact, that asexuality is a beautiful identity among many.
Asexuality, being a foreign concept to many, is still unacknowledged and unknown to many.
Asexual people do not have the sexual urge that most people do, instead, they choose to live off relying on the emotions that tie them to their partners. A person can be wholesome-fully attracted to a potential partner and at the same time, have nothing to do with wanting to have sex with them. Asexuality is one of the sexual orientations that people have earlier identified themselves too, and many are still getting accustomed to this identity. People couldn’t believe that one just couldn’t be attracted to sex. That astonished them.
“Oh my god, you never felt wow!
But I felt wow in hugs and in kisses”
Asexual people have felt the pressure of consorting to sexual desire presented by society and it has been terrifying and confusing for those who didn’t seem to come into terms with their identity. According to studies, around three-quarters of people cannot define what asexuality is, as they haven’t been educated enough about it. Imagine being suppressed and forced to like something that you deep down feel you can’t ever like. This feeling of emotional oppression is not uncommon for asexuals.
“Why do you need or want sex?
You can’t put it to words I know
and that ineffable reason, that’s how I know I don’t want sex for sure”
As modern pop cultures sing praises for those who embrace their sexuality, many feel encouraged to come forward and speak of the experiences that helped them shape into the person they are today. Countless taunts, strange eyes that seemed to scream, ‘how can you not like sex?!’ did not defer these people for accepting their love for old-school romantics. Asexuals are those who prefer to steal a kiss in the back of the car, instead of getting it on instantly.
As Sriti Jha marvellously explains what it is to be an asexual, it gives each one of us a chance to welcome the wonderful afflictions each one of us has with our inner selves.
“I am not incomplete, or in any way less
I am complete but confused
Isn’t that such a beautiful mess!”